A Royal Visit

Gentle sound of water falling, soft rustle of leaves in evening breeze, muffled conversation as chairs are arranged and their occupants settle.


[Gideon] “Good evening, and welcome to all our Earthbound listeners, as well as those who may be joining us from afar. We’ve been away for a while, off on a rather long summer hiatus, but I’m pleased to say we’re starting our new season with an especially—ah, here she comes! As I was saying, we’re honored to have Princess Shaila with us today, all the way from the Kingdom of Ambistron in the Land of Isoladia. Welcome, your Highness, to my humble home. The Princess has lately been on a quest to---Alwynn’s Fire, your Highness! What happened to you?”

Squishy footsteps end in a damp plop into chair and heartfelt sigh.

[Shaila] “I’m so sorry for my appearance, Sir Gideon. These clothes were clean and presentable when I started, but I didn’t anticipate ending up in Galvistor’s gullet.”

[Gideon] “Galvistor did this?”

[Shaila] “Well, he—oh, scales!” More squishy sounds as Shaila shifts in her chair, then a splat as she shakes digestive goop off her hand. “Do you have a towel I could—?”

[Gideon] “Of course. My assistant will get one from the cabana.”

Squeak of chair followed by padding footsteps retreating across the patio.

[Gideon] “That dragon needs to exercise self-control around his food. Thank Alwynn he didn’t digest you.”

[Shaila] “Goodness, no! He wasn’t trying to eat me, but he had to swallow me. We had to set down so I could—well, I needed to answer a call of nature, and when I was—”

[Gideon] “Or maybe he needs some kind of intervention. Is there a Cesar Millan for very large reptiles? Some kind of Dragon Whisperer?”

Footsteps return.

[Shaila] “For Gansur’s sake, Sir Gideon! If you’ll allow me a few words I’ll explain. Oh—a towel. Thank you so much, Mistress-?”

[Gideon] “This is my assistant – you may have heard Galvistor refer to her as the Wikipedia Addict. Thank you, sweetheart. Why don’t you have a seat and start your notes?” Chair squeaks again, click of laptop keys. “It’s not Sir Gideon, .your Highness. Just call me Gideon. I’m sorry I interrupted you. Did I understand correctly? You wanted Galvistor to swallow you?”

[Shaila] “Gansur, I’m going to have to wash my hair again…” Sound of fingers squeaking over gooey hair, and another splat as more slime is pulled off and flung away. “It’s been so long since he’s carried me that way, I had almost managed to forget how disgusting the consequences can be.”

[Gideon] Quick intake of breath as several more glutinous plops ensue. Twin chair scrapes as both alien and typist inch chairs further away. “You’ll get no argument from me.”

[Shaila] “That’s a lovely pond. Would it be all right if I took a quick wash to clean this off?”

[Gideon] “It’s a swimming pool. I don’t think it would survi—er, be suitable for such an honored guest. Would you like to use the shower in the cabana instead?”

[Shaila] “Shower?”

[Gideon] “Of course, it’s…ah. I see. No showers in Isoladia. Well, think of it as kind of controlled waterfall. Hot with plenty of soap if you want to—”

[Shaila] “Soap? That would be perfect! A hot waterfall? Where is it?”

[Gideon] To Wikipedia addict. “Why don’t you show the Princess how to manage things in the cabana? Then ask the housekeeper to put her clothes in the washer and bring her something to wear until her own are clean.”

[Shaila] “That’s so kind of you. It will be much easier to talk when I’m less gooey.” Chairs scrape back as the two women rise.

[Gideon] “I meant to ask -- where is the Dragon?”

[Shaila] “He said something about having a craving for shellfish and took off right after gagging me up. It was a long flight and he has quite an appetite.”

[Gideon] Laughs. “So I’ve noticed. Please, don’t let me keep you.”

Sound of footfalls retreating, one set squishy.

[Shaila] Voice fading as they walk away. “Did I hear your master correctly? Put my clothes in the washer? Does she swallow them…?”

A half hour later…

[Gideon] “Welcome back, Princess. Please sit – I had the chairs wiped down while you were gone. You look much more comfortable. I take it you had no problems with the facilities?”

[Shaila] “It was marvelous! So much nicer than pouring water over yourself in the bath. Breedyn—my husband—must build something like that for our chamber. And the clothes—I love these pants. I used to fight with my father, King Harrimore, about wearing pants in order to ride Galvistor. It’s not something easily done in a flouncy dress.”

[Gideon] “I can only imagine. And the jeans are very attractive on you, as well as the T-shirt. But the towel…” Squeak of chair as he turns toward Wikipedia Addict. “Didn’t you show her how the hair dryer works?”

[Wikipedia Addict] “Yes, sir. But she didn’t like the noise.”

[Gideon] “Ah.” Clink of glassware. “Princess, I thought you might like something to drink. Would you care for iced tea?”

[Shaila] “Ice! You must have an excellent basement to keep ice in the heat.” Sips. “Very good. Thank you. I hope whichever servant’s ‘jeans’ and shirt I’m wearing won’t mind my use of them.”

[Gideon] “Oh, no, those don’t belong to my employees. The shirt is Hannah’s. She’s…well, let’s just say it’s a relationship in transition.”

[Shaila] “Her people must be very brave to wear their heraldic motto so boldly in your presence.”

[Wikipedia Addict] Snickers. “She’s wearing the shirt that says ‘Aliens Don’t Scare Me, I’m a Texan’ on the back.”

[Gideon] Dryly. “Hanna has a unique sense of humor. But enough of my world. You never did tell me why Galvistor took it on himself to swallow you.”

[Shaila] “That’s right. You thought he was trying to eat me. First of all, you should know it is a Dragon Law, a primary law at that, which dictates they do not digest a species of equitable intellect.”

[Gideon] “Yes, I remember something about that.” Pause. “Although I think he had some questions at the time as to what constituted ‘equitable’.”

[Shaila] “The mere thought of eating a person would gag Galvistor! I offered myself to such a scheme once, and he was appalled.”

[Gideon] “You must have been very upset to consider such a thing.”

[Shaila] “I was, and I was very young and self-centered. I wanted my way and would have it, and knew Galvistor would only take me seriously if I tried to force him to swallow me. Not just swallow me, you understand, but eat me. Digest me. Of course, he wouldn’t and in the end I got my way. But…that was a while back. As I was trying to say earlier about my current condition, we stopped so I could take care of personal business and before I could remount Galvistor, a Gryphon came out of nowhere. There was no time for niceties and Galvistor had to swallow me so he could handle the situation. He couldn’t flame, of course, not with me inside, so he had to out-fly the beast. We were already late for this meeting, so he simply brought me via his gullet.”

[Gideon] “I’ll concede it was an emergency. But whatever the reason, you must admit it is a bizarre method of travel.”

[Shaila] “Bizarre? I’ve never thought about it. Messy, yes. And dangerous if one is inside too long—not enough air, you see—but it’s something Dragons can do. And it’s proven quite effective when necessary. I’m surprised, considering you aren’t human, that you would find any form of travel bizarre.”

[Gideon] “You have a point. Is ‘gullet travel’ common in Isoladia?

[Shaila] “I guess just the Royals use the method, now that I think on it. Dragons don’t interact with commoners all that much, other than the ones who are part of the various courts. Dragons are very long-lived, you see, and before the Veil faded, when Isoladia was still cut off from the rest of the world, they produced very few young. A natural balance, Galvistor says.”

[Gideon] “Perfectly understandable. My own species has evolved with similar limitations.”

[Shaila] “His exact words, if I recall, were that Dragons reacted to prevent their territorial natures from overlapping in a finite space. That one took me a while to understand. He always uses large words, I’m afraid. Anyway, now, with the Veil gone, they are able to expand outward. I’m told there are more eggs being laid because the former boundaries have been removed. A wonderful circumstance, I think. Dragons are marvelous creatures. There should be more of them.”

[Gideon] “Not in Houston, I hope. We already have enough traffic.” Silence. “A joke, Princess. The nearest human city to us is rather crowded, and I’ve noticed a Dragon takes up a great deal of space. Galveston seemed to have difficulty controlling his bulk, not to mention his tail.”

[Shaila] “True enough. Except for one small area, my father has banned any of them from landing in our garden. Galvistor has cropped more bushes and trees than I can remember. He can be quite intimidating even when he doesn’t mean to be.”

[Gideon] “So I’ve experienced. That small hedge behind you used to be a great deal taller.”

[Shaila] “I’m curious. Since you don’t have Dragons and I’ve seen no evidence of a stable or horses, how do you travel about? Galvistor said your, uh, body, is only temporary. He said you are really just a very bright light, although he has been known to exaggerate. Do you just, well, float from place to place?”

[Gideon] “When I’m in my energy form, yes. But I most often stay in my human form. Much less disconcerting to the neighbors. The people of Earth have a number of machines to provide transportation by air, water, or land. Forgive me, but from your limited experience with plumbing, would I be correct in assuming technology is not a focus of the Isoladian people?”

[Shaila] “I don’t understand either word, sir. Plumbing? Tech—tech—?”

[Gideon] “Technology. Plumbing refers to the piping involved in channeling water from place to place, as required for the shower and toi—never mind. I think you just answered the question regarding technology. Your world is obviously at a less advanced stage.”

[Shaila] “Why, we are quite advanced! Breedyn, himself, helped redesign our castle to a more battle-worthy condition. Our weaponry is as good as that in any other Kingdom!”

[Gideon] “Fascinating. Then yours is more a medieval society.”

[Shaila] “Medieval? That sounds somewhat…mid-something. Are you insulting me, sir?”

[Gideon] “Absolutely no insult meant, Princess. It’s merely a reference to a society without advanced, well, technology. That is, equipment. Machinery. Expertise in—well, let’s move beyond that. I hope you don’t mind if I turn our conversation specifically to your own life. Much of our audience is fascinated with royalty, and I know they’d like to hear a bit about what it's like to be the Princess. For instance, during one of our recent visits with Galvistor, he mentioned the events leading up to your marriage.”

[Shaila] Pause. “Did he? Exactly what did he mention?”

[Gideon] “Something about a certain amount of drinking, followed by a song-fest?”

Typing stops abruptly as Wikipedia Addict dissolves in a fit of coughing.

[Shaila] “I see. Actually, I know little of the circumstances. That was between him and Breedyn. They were—well, they were enjoying a bit of my father’s Zacra, a potent brew that I don’t indulge in. It goes to the head very fast, and Galvistor does like to drink and sing. But Breedyn isn’t- wasn’t used to the Zacra, so naturally I went to see what they were up to…Galvistor didn’t discuss my part in the situation, did he?”

[Gideon] “Well…he might have mentioned something about your future husband falling on your—”

Very loud coughing by Wikipedia Addict.

[Gideon] “—but I probably misunderstood. He was inebriated when he spoke of it.”

[Shaila] Disapproving. “A condition he suffers all too often.” Clears her throat. “Whatever Galvistor told you was, I am sure, an exaggeration. There was drinking and singing, and Breedyn did fall on me. By accident. But there was nothing extraordinary about it. We did marry shortly after, but I assure you there was no- no impropriety. None whatsoever.”

[Gideon] “Naturally. One would never imply a princ—”

[Shaila] “Just because my father had some plan laid out for our nuptials doesn’t mean that I was involved.”

[Gideon] “I’m certain you weren't.”

[Shaila] Agitated. “Although it was important that we find a man who could handle the changes coming once our separate worlds came in contact, it’s not as if I needed to trap a man.” Chair squeaks as she rises. “Very well, Breedyn did once accuse me of—”

[Wikipedia Addict] “Uh, sir, perhaps we should take a break. Maybe have some refreshments? Why don’t I run into the kitchen and see if your chef has, um, chips and dip, or something. Or maybe some fruit?”

[Gideon] “Excellent idea, sweetheart. Ah, Princess—”

[Shaila] Pacing. “I have to have a talk with that Dragon about his loose tongue and—”

[Gideon] “Let's get something to distr—that is, something to nibble on while we talk. You must be hungry after that flight.”

[Shaila] Stops abruptly. “Did you say 'chips and dip'? Do you mean wood chips? Cow chips? Do you eat such things?”

[Gideon] “Trust me, these come from potatoes or corn. And fruit is—well, I suppose you do have fruit where you come from. Afterwards, you can tell me more about your world."

[Wikipedia Addict] Clears throat. "Maybe she might like to hear about your people, sir?”

[Shaila] “Fruit would be nice…and yes, I would like to hear more about you and your people, Sir Gideon. My life, after all, is rather ordinary. The Veil is gone, and for better or worse, Breedyn’s world and mine have blended. The Dragons are a bit more aggressive than they used to be, but still basically civilized. They help us contend with the monsters that seemed to have awakened after the Veil faded—oh, it’s all quite ordinary. Really. And besides, the details are in the book, should one choose to learn more about me and mine.”

[Gideon] “Which would be The Dragon's Veil of course, soon to be followed by The Dragon's Vision. Shall we adjourn to the house, then? I’d be more than happy to show you my own little corner of Earth. It belonged to my mentor before I was born, which was about a hundred and fifty years ago, when…”

Voices fade out along with two sets of footsteps. Laptop keys continue to click.

[Wikipedia Addict] Typing. "Note to the audience," Muttering. "Darn it, I probably should have mentioned it to my boss before she got here." Louder. "Well, if you want interesting details on 'gullet travel', Galvistor wrote about it in one of his earlier blogs. Look it up at http://www.thewritingdragon.blogspot.com in the archives."

Laptop clicks shut, footsteps scurry to catch up.